So many thoughts ran through my mind last night as I slept.  I often laugh as I tell people that I do my best thinking as I sleep.  This blog is something completely foreign to me.  So you will have to bear with me as I navigate my way through it!

On the way to school this morning, I heard my favorite song by Laura Story, Blessings.  If you have not heard it, you really need to google it and listen.  It is unbelievably profound.  The chorus is this:  "What if your blessings come through raindrops?  What if your healing comes through tears?  What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're here?"

I know we have all had sleepless nights.  I pray in the dawn, you knew He was there.

So on with my blogging.  

Lately, I have found myself feeling very tired and a bit weary.  I have felt alone in my battle to try to stabilize my daughter's blood sugar levels.  August has been a most difficult month for us.  During the first part of the month, I think a growth spurt made her sugars spike, requiring I give her more (much more) insulin!  Then she started school which threw us back into a routine with a potential for reducing the sugars to fall so I reduced the insulin.  THEN, she developed a cold which again, drove those sugar levels back up!  I feel like a swimmer in the ocean who continues to be hit by a wave every time my head surfaces!

In addition to the diabetes ups and downs, we had issues with her prescriptions being messed up by the insurance company.  Also, my cell phone died and I ordered a new one which gave me trouble for a solid week.  A bathroom light fixture fell from the ceiling and shattered into a million tiny pieces of glass.  My internet explorer stopped working on my computer.  And most recently, my washing machine broke.  Has anyone ever had a month like this????  Oh yeah, and by the way, I joined Weight Watchers online 5 weeks ago and have only managed to lose a little over 3 pounds.  WOAH!!!  It seems everywhere I turn, Satan is making me feel like a defeated failure.  (Hoping I didn't scare anyone with my use of the word Satan)!

Anyway, so I decided instead of complaining to my mom or dad or husband or friends with my little pity party, I would take it up with the Man himself.  I needed encouragement.  I needed to feel love.  I need truth!

Why are we so reluctant to just sit down and open up the bible for those things?  All it takes it a little bit of time and some concentrated focus---in other words, a genuine desire to hear Him.  There is a promise He has made to us you know....it is found in Jeremiah 29:13:  "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."  So, I opened up the bible hoping I would turn right to the place where I needed to be to hear Him speak to me.  And here is where I read:

Psalm 127: 1-2

Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling food to eat-

for He grants sleep to those He loves

Okay, at first glance, I didn't think I had turned to the right place.  It didn't seem relevant to where I was at first.  But God gently told me to SLOW DOWN (does anyone but me need to SLOW DOWN???) and reread it.  So often, we frantically search the bible looking for just the "right" words, according to us.  When perhaps we are just in too much of a hurry to see that we are reading EXACTLY the "right" words, according to Him who knows us and what we need best!

Ah-hah!  Shame on me.  I must call on God to fix what is broken here.  I must not worry about these high blood sugars, "for He grants sleep to those He loves."  He will give us what we need.  He is in control.  There is some reason that I cannot understand which explains why my daughter's blood sugars are high.  I need to trust God and know it is a good plan.  

We all know our humanly bodies will fail us at some point.  We all know we will suffer and endure pain here on earth.  That is inevitable.  But what if our healing comes through tear drops and what is a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know He is here?????

What peace I feel when I just surrender for crying out loud!!!!!  Psalm 23, one of the most known psalms in the bible ends with "surely goodness and love will follow me all of the days of my life..."

I'll say it again.  God is always the answer.

Love and blessings,

Amanda