Calling All Wives

Loving my husband has been on my mind for the last two days.  Rather, the WAY I love my husband.  

Earlier in my blog, I mentioned my divorce.  I was twenty three years old when I married my college love.  When I look back, I just don't even remember having those serious conversations that you should DEFINITELY have before marrying someone.  

He was a good person in many ways but in the end, it was alcohol that came between us.  We divorced just after I turned twenty five.  

Divorce was absolutely awful and we didn’t even fight.  We didn’t even have separate attorneys.  We were not trying to hurt each other and for the most part, it was amicable. 

Still, it was just a horrible thing.  The loss you suffer is enormous because it is not just a spouse you lose.  It is families, friends, homes, pets… and most of the time, you lose you.

Anyway, I spent the next four years in emotional, dating hell.  Even though I did not want to be married to him, I also did not want to be single.  I fell for so many lines from so many ‘smooth operators’… I was very naïve.  In addition, I think I may have even allowed myself to be treated badly because of the guilt I felt about leaving my marriage.  I thought God was punishing me when I continuously had my heart ripped out and broken. And in a way, I was surrendering to it. 

I realize now I was very wrong.  God is not that kind of God.  He loves us and He wants what is best for us.

I remember crying to my parents about a break-up and my father telling me, "It isn't EASY to fall in love with someone."  My response was "Of course it is.  I have done it several times this year already."  Point made.  I was a mess.

I lived a very shallow life during those years.  I was a real cutie.  I probably weighed in at a buck fifteen, had a cute little blonde hairstyle, drove a really cool convertible, had a really cool career that took me traveling to Europe and paid me very well. Beautiful clothes…dates with older, sophisticated men (who saw me as their trophy)… traveling business class to Europe....all of this in my twenties. 

From the outside looking in, it may have seemed like I had a great life.   But I was really quite miserable.  To say that I spent four years completely heartbroken would be an understatement.  I prayed and I prayed and I begged God to pull me out of this pit that I had gotten myself in.

About the time I turned thirty, my husband arrived, directly from God….as a second chance I like to think. 

This man stands by me…AND he stands up to me.  He challenges me and he holds me accountable.  He makes me better. 

I heard a sermon on marriage once that explained marriage as the closest thing possible in human form to tangibly illustrating God’s love for us.  Because He is not physically here (God, that is), He provided someone who is here- committed to us, until death do us part. 

Now, let me just stop and say that this man also has his share of issues.  I mean, there are times when I want to pull his hair out.  LOL.  I mean, who really has the perfect spouse?  No one!  But we must learn to focus on strengths and not get bogged down when people disappoint us.  They inevitably will.  Only God will not.

So where am I going with all of this?

Well, my family was on a road trip this weekend.  I was complaining to my husband about the way he drives in a, shall we say, not so nice voice.  And I realized that the kindness and patience and love I have been blogging about regarding my role as mother should also be applied to my role as wife.

Why do we tend to focus on being a good mother and often neglect our role as wife?  After all, what is that teaching our children? 

Proverbs 31 beautifully describes what it means to be a wife.

Verse 10:  “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?  She is more precious than rubies.” 

Verse 11:  “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.”

Verse 17:  “She is energetic and strong, a hard worker…”

Verse 25:  She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

Verse 26:  “When she speaks, her words are wise and she gives instructions with kindness.”

I guess I don’t have to tell you that I was somewhat convicted by verse 26.  There are far too many times that I give instructions without kindness to my poor hubby.

Obviously, there are some things our husbands just don’t get.  We need to teach them, not get frustrated with them.  We need to have patience with them.  We need to love them, support them, respect them, appreciate them, honor them…. and greatly enrich their lives.

I believe that who you are as a wife may have more power to make you happy and give you peace than who he is as a husband.  My personal prayer today is that I can really put some effort in being a loving, patient wife -- as well as being that way to my child and others.